Have you ever listened to a song and thought ‘Wow, I wish I wrote that.’
It’s what goes through my head every time ‘Matilda’ by Harry Styles* comes on. A dear friend of mine showed me the song years ago. We related to it differently but bonded over the similar emotions it brought out in us.
The song is Harry singing to ‘Matilda’ (likely based on Roald Dahl’s fictional character ‘Matilda’), empathising with her while gently encouraging her to choose her own path and to build a fulfilling life, even after experiencing difficult family situations. A permission to let go, and build a life that feels like her own.
In it, he sings:
“…you can let it go
you can throw a party full of everyone you know
you can start a family who will always show you love
you don’t have to be sorry.”
The last line sticks like glue to me because how often do we apologise, to others and to ourselves, for choosing differently? For growing in a way that doesn’t align with what we expected of ourselves?
The quiet guilt of growing up
When I was younger I’d easily tell my mother, ‘I’ll work hard and get rich for us!’, and I meant it each time. I only knew so little about the world after all. I’d even tell my father that I would marry a rich man, one who had similar interests as him so they could get along well.
Now, here I am at 21, bearing empty hands. Forgotten promises having slipped through my fingers over time.
As a daughter of immigrant parents, I understand how easy it is to get lost in the feeling of wanting to give back. I know that many people who also come from modest upbringings can relate to this feeling –the creeping guilt whenever you want to do something for yourself.
I tied myself in knots trying to balance my guilt with my desires. And for years it felt like I was living life on autopilot. When someone asked me what my dream was, the only thing that came to mind was money.
But as I grew older, I realised that the roof they put over our heads, the opportunities they fought for, those weren’t down payments for us to later pay off. They were gifts. Most parents want their children to soar, even if letting go is hard for them. And the parents who truly love you, they’d never mean for their sacrifices to chain you to their past. They’d want you to move forward.
“You can see the world, following the seasons… Anywhere you go, you don’t need a reason”
In time, I came to learn that wanting ‘more’ isn’t ingratitude. It’s not a betrayal of where you came from. To want more, is to grow.
Patti Smith said, “Fate has a hand but is not the hand”**, so if growth was a choice, why would we choose to regress? Why would we choose to stay small?
More isn’t greed.
More is the first time you say, ‘This is for me’ and don’t flinch.
More is redefining success as something that fills your cup, not just others.
We can tell ourselves to be content with what we have, but why must we be when we’re still breathing?
A life without apologies
So here’s a gentle reminder, from me (and Harry Styles) to you:
You don’t have to be sorry for the dreams that changed shape. You don’t have to be sorry for the love you choose, the family you build, the life you design on your own terms.
This isn’t about blame, it’s about untangling the quiet pressures we internalise.
You are allowed to build a life that doesn’t require an apology. Not to your parents, not to your younger self, not to anyone.
Let go. Throw the party. Want fiercely. And when the guilt creeps in, play ‘Matilda’ and hear it as a lullaby for your guilt:
“You don’t have to be sorry”.
This recently taken photo shows a page from Roald Dahl’s children’s novel “Matilda”. – Photo: Kristina Vallesteros
Photos taken yesterday by Rui Pastorin
